Rain

Sometimes I feel like I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Or maybe I'm just sick of the rain we constantly get in Vancouver. Although, it is nice to have a nice little cool break from the humidity and heat. With this dreary bleak and gray weather, however, comes contemplation, more than usual anyway. I watched the Notebook last night with a group of girls in the back seat of a nice BMW Suv (I'm not very technologically savy otherwise I'd know what type it was and I'm not brand labeling I'm just not familiar with very many cars that can pull down their back seats and become a makeshift bed!)

Anyways, minus the cranky biznatcher in the car next to us, it was such a cute but sad and definitely depressing movie! Cute, since Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams were so freaking cute (and so was James Marsden) and old couples growing up together and being in love is cute. Sad because well, dying and finding love is a sad thing. Depressing because well frankly, where the hell do you find guys who love you enough to come read to you at your nursing home everyday because you have dementia =( OR find love that lasts for that long... =(

Well atleast I'm done my man hating, rather, progressing quite nicely out of that little rut.This past week, guys have all the sudden become a beacon of light like a refreshing mint mojito on a warm sunny day (... maybe depends on the guys I hang out with? possibly?)

Anyways, on monday one of my cousins got laid off and we (my other cousin and I) decided to jetpack downtown. We headed to Carderos on Coal Harbour for nice relaxing drinks and appys, namely Fish Taco and BC Albacore Tuna (supposed to have been seared rare --but really I think they over cooked it). This was the first time I also had a shot of Patron! It is soo much smoother than regular tequila! I also had very many of their Mint on the Quay, so yummy! Then we sauntered over to Edgewater where the bartender made these yummy drinks that he claimed was his secret recipe-- they did include cranberry juice though! And after we had squandered most of our cash on hand, we bee-lined it to Coast Restaurant on Alberni since we craved their smoked salmon flatbread.

To my, mostly our, surprise my cousin's friend (one of the Chefs) decided to treat us to a nice four course meal including dessert! We started with oysters, which I had to try because he so graciously sent it over. Next came an assortment of sushi!! AND THEN the flat bread. It is THE BEST smoked salmon with arugula flat bread I've ever had in my entire life. And last was the crab cake, which I thought was also one of the top I've had as it was moist and fresh and yummy =) For dessert, I'm not quite sure I remember what it was after our two bottles of white, but I think it was banana bread-esque with a side of white chocolate for dipping! =) While, I understand these little things may not make up entirely for the shit done in the past, I thought it was a cute little gesture that signified a possibility of better things to come.

By the time our bill rolled around, my cousin was trashed (as I would have been if I had been laid off). I think it was the fact that her boyfriend picked her up with plastic bags and bottles of gatorade in his car that made my heart melt. These little gestures of sweeetness, or as Patti would say these acts of 'chivalry', caused the shift in my man-hating paradigm.

Now

I've been thinking about the events of the past month (since moving into my cousin's apartment I've practically been living alone cause of her crazy work schedule and I stupidly watched a scary movie this past week and haven't been able to sleep since). In trying to rationalize and be optimistic (and after watching Spice World) , I have come to an understanding that women have become quite independent as it is the 21st century. Women do what they want, say what they want and feel what they want as much as guys do. And while yes there have been differences, I like to think and encourage the idea that women have as much power if not more than men in certain situations.

With my personal life experiences as well as those who are close to me, I have been, to be completely honest, man-hating. This is neither an empowering or beneficial outlook on life. For me, it comes with a negative aura. I have been undergoing a process of change and development. Although I previously thought that the events of the past month challenged the 'evolution' of my perspective, I think that it's simply a matter for reconsideration. I needed to think of the recent (within the last fifty years) rights and independence women have gained and even now still fight to gain. It's so easy to take our independence for granted, well for me anyway. I was born into a society in which I virtually was free to do anything I wanted, as long as it remained a norm within my culture.

Moving to Canada at such a young age, I observed the roles of women and men within my ethnicity and then within my current nationality. The Philippines, being colonized by the Spaniards and the Portuguese in its early years was enforced with norms of tradition, hierarchy and some form of Christianity (mostly Catholicism). After being 'rescued' by the Americans from occupation by the Japanese during the World War II, the Philippines seems a bit more liberated, however is still quite entrenched in gender roles and social norms and customs. Like most things in life, this can be good or bad, it's all a matter of being balanced.

While I'm proud of my culture and the customs that come with it, there are still some aspects that I don't agree with. The subjugation of women, is one. Canada seems so much more liberated and neutral as far as patriarchy, and while I know that we exist in a patriarchical government/society/everything, I personaly have to believe and WANT to believe that women deserve equal rights. And so I am going to now try and enforce this belief on everything and everyone.

Now you might think that I am rambling like a fool (which I kind of am) but this is just my rationalization for events that happend and will happen. Boys are boys and girls are girls (there is plenty of room for those in between) but for my hetero-perspective, I expect nothing from boys and understand that actions are a consentual and joint effort.

Girls make their own decisions and choices. Just as some girls may decide to hook up with boys that are not their boyfriends, boys will decide to hook up with as many girls they want. And frankly, they are old enough for them to decide to screw up their life (lol). I don't pass judgement as I would never want any judgement, not that I would do anything similar but you know what I mean. Its another story though when friends say hurtful things because after a while it gets to be too much.

Anyways, my independence lately has led me to eating out lots because I can't cook, well I can but it's different when you have to BUY the ingredients you need to cook. So, I've just been walking over to Montana's (their service can be nice but a rather lengthy wait) for their Chicken Fajita (one order is good for atleast four people--- someone should have told me this when I ordered it), Nagano for their... I forgot what the roll was called but it was yummy! it had tuna tataki and smoked salmon on top and chopped scallop and a prawn inside, and the Korean BBQ at Henderson for their Ramen (which was decent for a food court). I did go to my family friend's birthday, she served some BBQed meats and pea dishes which I think were from her home country Ghana.

Decisions, decisions!

What are the reasons behind people's decisions? Decisions that in turn are translated into longterm action or momentary choices. I am in no position to dictate what is the right and wrong as I am not perfect in this decision making department. However, how is it that my decision affects so many people and while yes for the most part, I make them based on what I want (as most people do), my intention is never to cause pain or hurt.

Last weekend, I decided to celebrate my birthday via Caprice with table service. While my intentions were good (by good I mean lots of drinks for everyone), I didn't realize that a lot of people would be too drunk. By too drunk I mean, beyond rational judgement or even act beyond their memorable knowledge. Anyways, decisions exercised that night were fairly poor. A handful of individuals didn't show up some for good reason and others for stupid reasons (which I am still pretty annoyed about), some got wasted before they could even enjoy themselves (which I'm almost grateful for because I think about what more could have possibly happend that night and cringe while I bring out my sledge hammer) and some did stupid unreasonable things while saying things to pretty much ruin any friendship.

It's unfortunate all these decisions were made to lead to this nights' occurance. Could it have been avoided? Maybe? I don't know. All I know is that while it is unfortunate, it is necessary to be able to justify actions and decisions as a process of life. Maybe it was a sign to shake up the norm and force us to re-evaluate and change. Because as entertaining as some actions are, they are hurtful to others. And when those we are closest to get hurt it makes us want to find a way to make things better to avoid those things from happening again.

On a more positive note, my cousin is one of the best cooks ever! She made an amazing Heirloom Tomato and Buffalo Mozzerella Salad, Roasted Artichokes and for my birthday dinner made some yummy Roti with Chicken Curry!

Life is really what you make of it and those that matter, you make decisions for what's good for them and you because they ultimately should be your source of happiness like a yummy tomato and mozzerella salad.